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SHERLOCK
the screenplay By Mary Wasche & Stan Jones Copyright By Stan Jones Read Reviews - Order online Scene One
FADE IN: INT. 221B BAKER
STREET, VICTORIAN LONDON - DAY SUPER: Sherlock
Holmes's apartment. 221B Baker Street, London Morning light in
a second-floor bedroom. Two sleeping forms
visible under the covers of a four-poster bed.
On the floor to one side, Holmes's deerstalker
cap lies atop a jumble of male clothing torn off
in the heat of passion. On the other side, a
Coachman bowler atop a similar jumble of male
clothing. A spare deerstalker and bowler hang on
the headposts. Distant knocking
from below. WOMAN'S
VOICE(O.S.) Mr.. 'Olmes! Mr..
'Olmes! There's a gentleman here as says he has
an appointment. Mr. 'Olmes! One head pops up.
DR. JOHN WATSON, a hunky, mustached,
30-something. He checks his pocket watch on the
nightstand, pokes the form beside him. WATSON Wake up, love!
We've overslept! It's the gentleman from
Bartons. Muffled growl
from under the covers. More knocking. Woman's voice (o.s.) Mr. 'Olmes! Watson gets up,
opens bedroom door, shouts downstairs. WATSON He's coming, Mrs. Hudson! He turns to the
bed again, swats the rump of the sleeping form. WATSON Wake up, love! The covered form
mutters, sits up, revealing a mane of red hair
and hint of breast swell. Watson, pulling
on clothes, stumbles out past the doorway of
another bedroom. Medical equipment, daybed,
desk, card beside the door reading, "Dr. John
Watson, Surgeon." He descends the
stairs, hurries across a sitting room past a
huge oak desk cluttered with papers, scientific
equipment and maggot specimens on cards and in
vials. A Stradivarius is propped alongside. INT. 221B - HOLMES'S BEDROOM - DAY Covers are tossed
back, EVA WHITTAKER emerges nude. Tall,
statuesque, severe but sensual face. Sherlock
Holmes is a gorgeous woman! INT. 221B - SITTING ROOM - DAY Watson fixes tea
over a Bunsen burner for the GENTLEMAN from
Bartons. Conservative black suit, leather
satchel between knees, hat firmly in place. He
has draped his overcoat across an armchair. WATSON Holmes will be
down soon. I'm afraid he's quite exhausted
himself with his monograph on the Brachycera. Watson gestures
at the desk. The gentleman glances at the
specimens. GENTLEMAN Brachycera? WATSON Maggots. Their
presence in a corpse can establish the time of
death. The gentleman
shudders, wrenches his gaze away from the
maggots, surveys the room, gestures at the
disorder. GENTLEMAN If I may say so,
this place could use a woman's touch. Watson chuckles,
shouts up the stairs. WATSON Holmes! It's the
gentleman from Bartons! GENTLEMAN I don't mind
waiting, Dr. Watson. In fact, I'd hoped to learn
more about Mr. Holmes before I meet him. WATSON Oh, but every
Londoner knows the famous Sherlock Holmes. GENTLEMAN Quite so. Yet no
one seems to know his background. Who is he
really? WATSON Holmes is
terribly private. Indeed, there is much about
him that even I do not know, despite our close
association. INT. 221B - HOLMES'S BEDROOM - DAY From downstairs,
muffled unintelligible conversation. Series of images
as Eva: - binds her
breasts - slips on
Holmes's suit - twists her hair
into a knot atop her head, pulls the deerstalker
over it. - goes to mirror,
applies makeup to thin her lips, darkens her
chin and jawline to resemble morning shadow,
pencils in heavier eyebrows, tucks a stray red
lock under the deerstalker. - sets Holmes's
clay pipe between her teeth - touches a
heart-shaped birthmark behind her ear for luck - pulls dress
gloves over smallish hands, turns to door. We never get a
good look at the transformation in progress,
only three-quarter rear views. INT. 221B -
SITTING ROOM - DAY Avoiding the
maggot specimens, the gentleman lifts a copy of
"Silas Marner" from the desk, flips through the
pages. GENTLEMAN Fancy Eliot, do
you, Doctor? WATSON Not I, sir.
Holmes. He's a great admirer. GENTLEMAN They say he's
really a woman. WATSON (alarmed) Eh? The gentleman
taps the book. GENTLEMAN Eliot. They say
he's a woman. WATSON Oh, Holmes could
never be tricked into reading a book by a woman.
He does not believe the female mind is capable
of producing a great work of literature. GENTLEMAN I concur. WATSON To an intellect
such as his, a crack in the lens of his
microscope could not be more disturbing than a
strong female emotion. GENTLEMAN And what is Woman
but a cauldron of seething emotion? HOLMES
(O.S.) (deep
male voice) A distracting
tangle of nerves and curves, gentlemen, nothing
more. Watson and the
gentleman look up. The SHERLOCK HOLMES of
legend, perfect in every detail, is descending
the stairs. He watches
closely as the gentleman rises, tugs a detached
earlobe, extends a callused hand. Holmes gives a
stiff bow, puts his gloved hands behind him. HOLMES Good morning,
sir, and my deepest apologies to have kept you
waiting. GENTLEMAN No inconvenience,
Mr. Holmes. Dr. Watson and I were having a most
interesting discussion of the fair sex. HOLMES Can you imagine a
member of that sex doing what I do? Chuckles and nods
from Watson and the Gentleman. Holmes seats
himself at the desk, lights his pipe. HOLMES And you are? GENTLEMAN I represent the
Chairman of Bartons Bank. My name is irrelevant
to the matter at hand. HOLMES And that is? GENTLEMAN You've heard of
Irene Adler? HOLMES The actress? Of
course. The gentleman
cuts a glance at Watson, looks questioningly at
Holmes. HOLMES Oh, you may speak
freely in front of Dr. Watson. There are no
secrets between us, eh, Watson? Watson bows. GENTLEMAN Very well, then.
Miss Adler is in possession of a regrettable
photograph of our chairman. HOLMES How much does she want? GENTLEMAN Admirably direct,
Mr. Holmes! But to answer your question: so much
that even the Chairman cannot afford it. HOLMES Then let him
steal it from his depositors. He is, after all,
a banker. Watson chuckles
and smiles. The gentleman does not. GENTLEMAN The sum is too
large to be concealed. Money, sir, is like
water. Where it flows, it leaves a mark. Holmes becomes
interested, ponders for a moment. HOLMES What effort has
been made to recover the photograph? GENTLEMAN We set
pickpockets upon the Adler woman in the street,
and we sent burglars into her home, all to no
avail. HOLMES Perhaps she's
hidden it elsewhere? GENTLEMAN No, we're certain
it is in her chambers. She would not trust it in
any other place. HOLMES And if she is not paid? GENTLEMAN She threatens to
publicize the photograph. The resulting outcry
would likely lead to the bank's collapse,
possibly even the Chairman's imprisonment. Holmes takes up
the bow of the Stradivarius, balances it
vertically on the tip of a gloved forefinger,
closes his eyes, becomes utterly still. The gentleman
opens his mouth to speak. Watson stops him with
a raised hand and shake of his head. Finally Holmes
opens his eyes. The bow remains balanced. HOLMES And once the
photograph is recovered? The gentleman
waits him out. HOLMES Ah. The problem
will conveniently disappear. GENTLEMAN The Chairman
requires a permanent solution. Holmes flips the
violin bow into the air, catches it, sets it on
the desk. HOLMES That's none of
our concern. You may give Dr. Watson a hundred
pounds. Holmes watches
closely as the gentleman takes the money from
his satchel with his left hand and passes it to
Watson. He hands Holmes a paper. GENTLEMAN Her address. Holmes glances at
it, passes it to Watson. GENTLEMAN She assures us
she has sealed the envelope containing the
photograph against the prying of her maid. We
must receive it with seal intact so that we can
be certain it has not been viewed. Holmes waves the
comment away. GENTLEMAN When may we -- HOLMES You will be
contacted. GENTLEMAN But -- HOLMES Allow me to see
you out. He helps the
gentleman on with his overcoat, escorts him to
the door, returns and takes a chair near Watson. WATSON None of our
concern! Our client plots the murder of a woman
and it's none of our concern? Holmes removes
his hat and gloves, shakes loose the curls. Eva runs her
fingers through her hair, takes a puff on the
clay pipe. EVA Dear, dear John.
This is why I love you so. The Chairman is not
our client. WATSON Then who? Eva pulls a
photograph from the sleeve of Holmes's jacket,
passes it to Watson. EVA These boys. Watson examines
the photograph. It shows a table in an ornate
drawing room set with framed photographs of
expensively dressed men, each with a naked boy
on his lap. The men wear masks. WATSON My God! The boy
brothel! I thought it was a myth. EVA It's my
experience, heart, that no evil is so
unimaginable that someone, somewhere, will not
perpetrate it. WATSON But how did you
get...oh, you picked his pocket. How did you
know he'd have it? EVA I was after his
wallet to determine his identity. But he only
had this. Watson studies
the photo. WATSON So one of these
men is the Chairman? EVA Presumably. WATSON But which one? EVA I'm not sure yet. She takes the
photograph, studies it thoughtfully. EvA But I have no
doubt the key to this mystery lies in Miss
Adler's chambers. WatSON Meaning her
photograph of the Chairman? EVA Among other
things. WATSON Eh? EVA Our gentleman
from Bartons? Aside from being no gentleman and
having no wallet, he is certainly no banker. WATSON How do you deduce that? EVA When you shook
his hand, did you not detect calluses? Watson looks at
his palm. WATSON I suppose so EvA A banker does not
develop calluses, no matter how much money he
steals. Watson chuckles,
somewhat dutifully. EVA And did you not
observe the roll in his gait as he left? Watson Perhaps. EVA Our man's a
sailor, heart. There's no doubt of it. Watson A sailor! EVA And do you not
find it remarkable that a Quaker should involve
himself in such a sordid affair? WATSON A Quaker? And how
-- EVA Elementary, my
dear John. Watson gives a
resigned sigh. EVA What does a man
always remove when he comes indoors? WATSON Ah. The hat. EVA A Quiet Friend
never bares his head but to pray or minister.
The hat, the severity of dress. He is a Quaker. WATSON May I point out
that you never remove your hat? EVA I'm Sherlock
Holmes. They laugh and
move together. Watson begins opening Eva's
shirt. She nuzzles into him, then pulls back. EVA First some
business, heart. We must pay Miss Adler a little
visit. Find an urchin and send him for the
kidsman, will you? * * *
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